When Camila’s cord blood transplant was only two weeks away, she came out of remission. We moved from Transplant back to Oncology, and there met a gifted doctor who shared his mantra with us: Prepare for Success. It comforted Camila then, and it comforts me now, because it speaks to the attitude we bring with us – into the hospital or into our home. Into our minds and into our hearts.
Once I realized I was going to survive losing my daughter, I took comfort in recognizing that I would one day re-embrace life. I wasn’t there yet, but there was something strong in me, stronger than I felt, that was pulling me back into life.
My body and my mind are preparing for success. I am alive. Sometimes it is a choice, sometimes a fait accompli, sometimes a curse – but it is always a fact. I know my daughter would want me to survive and thrive. And though I can’t do that now, I hope I come to remember how it’s done. I don’t want to live without her, but I do want to keep loving her. Again, I can choose to keep loving her, and loving her makes my life sweeter, even now.